This entry was posted on Friday, January 25th, 2008 at 8:08 pm and is filed under Curve Appeal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’m sure most of you have the yo-yo effect of dieting. Or perhaps you begin noticing things on your body are beginning to head south. But don’t sob over your misfortune, just do something about it. When is the time to get back into the gym or start working out. Here are my top 10 signs to lose weight, see if you can relate.
#10: You find yourself sucking air after performing the acrobatic maneuver needed to get socks on your feet.
Like some contortionist from Cirque de Soleil, I have to perfectly gauge the distance I need to bend at the waist with the distance I need to lift my leg. Accuracy is everything. You can only hold this position for seconds at a time without aborting the mission and gasping for breath!
9: In order to button your pants, you have to lie on the bed.
You usually flop about and groan like the demon-possessed girl in the Exorcist. Scary behavior like this means you’re fat or that you are too cheap to replace the jeans you wore in high school…20+ years ago!
#8: You steer your car with your knees since both hands are busy holding a sugary 64-ounce fountain drink of Pepsi or Coca~Cola.
When your drinking the bucket-sized sodas of Pepsi or Coca~Cola, you know that your in trouble. It means you have chosen gluttony over portion control.
#7: You have a gut, or as I would say to the females, a “muffin top.”
Occasionally, the lower portion of your gut sports the unmistakable markings of my car’s steering wheel.
#6: Your driver’s seat is reclined so far back that you can easily touch the rear window by scratching your ear. This is a sure sign that you need to burn fat.
#5: Your pile of picked-clean Foster Farms chicken bones resembles the sun-bleached skeletons found in old pirate movies.
#4: Shirts with a single X on the size label aren’t comfy enough anymore. Instead they feel like your wearing your little siblings t-shirts.
Same goes for pants with waistlines of less than 40. When your larger than life clothes are tightening, I know it’s time for a change.
#3: The Mansierre (or Bra) because like Frank Costanza (Seinfeld ) when your actually thinking about getting one, it begins to stop being funny.
#2: A wrestling match with your kids clocks in shorter than the commercials aired between evening news segments.
You need the remainder of that annoying Cialis ad to catch my breath…and to slurp a little of your super-sized Pepsi.
#1: You know need to lose weight when you play Dracula, and avoid mirrors at all costs.
So laugh a little, and smile too. With the proper motivation and support, a little exercise and some healthier food choices, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
